14 Fatal Online Dating Errors

Mistakes that women make

By David Wygant

Recently I was coaching a woman on how to write her profile for Yahoo! Personals. Before we wrote the profile, I asked her to send me her four best pictures.

I asked her to do this because men are as visual as Scooby Doo on steroids. The first thing they do when they see your profile online is NOT read about your trip to Italy last summer. They want to see how hot you are. Keep in mind that every man has different taste in women. What I find attractive, my friend may not find attractive at all.

So I explained this to my client, and I asked her to send me her four best photos -- pictures that represent who she is in her life. What she sent me is mistake #1 of the biggest mistakes women make online.

Here are the 14 biggest online dating mistakes women make:

Stop posting four different photos
from four different stages in your life. This leaves a man wondering, "Who is this person?" I've looked through thousands of online profiles, and the majority of women will put up pictures from different stages of their life but not put up current pictures. All photos that you post on an online dating profile MUST BE CURRENT!!! He's going to find out what you look like when you meet, and there is no reason to lie about your looks.

Don't list your dislikes about Internet dating
in bold, capital letters at the beginning of your profile. We've all had negative experiences online. Emphasize your positive points, not your negative ones.

3. List your exact body type
. It seems like on the Internet EVERYBODY is "athletic and toned," "petite" or "fit and trim." He will find out what you look like! You might as well tell the truth in your profile, so you'll have a qualified lead and not waste somebody's time.

List your real age
. In the world of Internet dating, it seems like there's an abundance of 29- and 39-year-old women. "29" usually means somewhere in your 30's. And a woman who is "39" is usually in her 40's. Why start a potential relationship on a lie? Men are guilty of the same thing, and I advise them the same way.

5. I'm really glad you had a great time on your vacation
, but you don't need to post 10 photos of your trip to Italy WITHOUT you in them. This is a dating site, not a trip advisor. Also, stop posting pictures of you skydiving, winter skiing, waterskiing, or doing anything else where we can't see what you look like in the picture.

6. Keep your profile short and to the point
. Make your paragraphs very short. I've seen too many women's profiles that look like romance novels. Take a look at Yahoo! Sports and read an article in the sports section.

Make sure paragraphs are short so men can digest that information in short bursts

7. Don't be so self-absorbed
. I've seen many women's profiles that say, "I want a man to be this," "I want a man to do that," "I want a man to cherish me," "I want a man to adore me"... You list all your "I wants" without listing what YOU will bring to the relationship. So you end up looking like you're a taker and not a giver. No man wants to be with a taker; he wants to be with someone who's equally willing to give and to receive.

8. Don't list your financial desires
like you're posting a want ad. I've seen too many women write, "I'm looking for a man who will spoil me, buy me great things, and take me on great trips." You come across as a gold digger. Instead say, "I like the finer things in life to share with somebody," so you don't come across so harsh.

9. No baby talk!
Even if the number one priority in your life is to be a mother, nothing scares a man off more than if you write in your profile about how badly you want kids. He may feel the same way, but he is going to think, "This woman will marry anybody to have kids." Write something a little more toned down like, "Families are important to me, and I can't wait to meet my special man so I can start a family." This shows you're selective and not just looking for someone with whom to make a kid.

Stop listing all your rules
. Don't write things like "A perfect first date MUST be dinner" or "The man I date HAS to wear suits." Women tend to list rules in their profiles. Be open to a different kind of first date, or the kind of guy who wears jeans to work.

Stop sending winks
. When is the last time you went to the supermarket, saw a cute guy and winked at him? Winks went out of style when "Happy Days" went off the air. You don't like it when men send you a wink. You think it makes him seem lazy and like he didn't read your profile. We think the same thing! So stop winking and start typing.

12. If you write to a man and he doesn't write you back
, don't write a nasty follow-up email and ask him why he didn't write you back. If a man doesn't respond to you, it's the same thing as when you don't write a man back. It means that he is not interested. Don't get angry, just find another person.

We know you're looking at us
, because we see that you've viewed our profile every day. Say "hello!" We're not going to bite. Lob that email in. Take a chance and send an email to the guy to whom you're most attracted. You never know what might happen!

If a guy who you're interested in writes to you
, stop playing games and write him back right away. Don't make him wait four days. He may find someone else in the time you wait to write him back. Keep the momentum going!

I have found when online dating that if you're honest about who you are, and you get back to people immediately, you'll get the date faster and avoid all the back and forth games that go on. Now go change that profile!

10 Fatal Online Dating Errors

Mistakes that men make

By David Wygant

Some men have absolutely NO sense of etiquette when they're trying to contact women online. During all my years of coaching, women have told me some amazing things men have written to them in emails.

Many men feel they can just say anything in an email when they are trying to get a woman to go out with them. If they said those same things to a woman in a bar or on the street, they might get arrested, or at least slapped. But when they're hiding behind the secrecy of their computer, too many men get abrasive and crude.

Here's my list of 10 things NEVER to do when you're online trying to get a woman to go out with you. Some of these are obvious; some you'll swear I'm making up! But all of them are things men actually do.

Top 10 email turnoffs for women

1. Don't ask her how much she weighs or what her measurements are. You might as well just tell her you only want to sleep with her and you have no interest in getting to know her, because that's what she's going to think if you ask her this.

2. Don't email her seven times asking her why she hasn't responded to your first email. Women get far more email than men do, so you need to be patient.  Instead of harassing her, relax and be confident that she's going to respond to you.

3. Don't ask her how many other dates she's been on from Yahoo! Personals. How many other dates someone has been on is not important. What is important is finding out whether the two of you click when you hang out.

4. Don't send her a nasty email if she hasn't responded to you after several emails. It's her prerogative whether or not she desires to be in contact with you. If she doesn't want to meet you, why get angry and nasty? There are plenty of other women out there who you can contact.

5. Don't ask her if she wants to have sex with you on the second email exchange, and don't send her dirty pictures of you. Women are all about connecting with their minds. Just because you're looking for a quick fling, that doesn't mean she's going to respond.

6. If she gives you her phone number, don't wait a week to call her. By extension, if you do wait a week to call her and she doesn't call you back, don't be shocked. Women have many options online. If she gives you her phone number, I suggest calling her that day. It keeps the momentum going.

7. When asking for more pictures, do so without any references to "Can you please send me a picture so I can see your body?" Ask her if she'd like to exchange more pictures, which means you send some and she sends some. Several women have complained to me that men ask them to send pictures of themselves in bikinis or other such things, so that men can see their body. Men, don't do this!

8. Don't get offended if she doesn't want to talk to you on the phone right away and/or wants to talk to you via email first to get to know you. You need to be flexible and open to her suggestions. Sometimes you may need to email back and forth for a week, and sometimes she'll give you her phone number right away. Either way, don't be rude.

9. Do not email-stalk her. Many of my women clients have complained to me about men who will email them several times a day for three weeks, until they are forced to block emails from those men. Men, she got your email the very first time. She just may have chosen not to open it. By sending emails several times a day, not only are you turning her off, you're freaking her out! You've become an online stalker. That's a guarantee she'll never go out with you.

10. Don't send cut-and-paste emails
. When connecting with her for the very first time, don't cut and paste an email message in July that you've been sending out for six months with a tagline that says, "I love the holidays." By doing that, she knows you didn't read her profile - and that you're really, really lazy!
Want to find out what works, check my
Daily Dating Blog. If you need any more online dating tips, email me. I have another batch in my blog waiting for you to devour. I always enjoy hearing your comments.


7 Reasons Why She Didn't Write Back

Sure-fire ways to boost the number of email responses in your inbox

How frustrating is it
when you reach out to a woman online and she doesn't contact you back?

Here are the most common reasons why you didn't hear from her, and ways to work around them so you can boost the number of email responses in your inbox.

1. She's getting a lot of attention online. A key thing to remember is that women's inboxes tend to get crowded with potential suitors. Make sure that you stand out from the competition by commenting about something specific she said in her profile, such as, "You mentioned you really like movies. What are some of your favorites?" Don't send her the same email you sent to 20 other women. It doesn't make her feel special.

2. You contacted her just because she looks hot.
How many times have you skimmed a profile quickly and then contacted her right away because she is cute-looking in her photo? And then she doesn't respond. If you go back and reread her profile in depth, there will be things you missed which give you the clues as to why she didn't contact you. Maybe you missed that she has three dogs and your profile says you don't like pets.

3. You posted the wrong photo.

Guys, you need to start paying more attention to the photos you are choosing for your profiles. Don't even think about posting a photo until you show it to a few women (a coworker, sister or friend you trust) and get their reactions. What you think is a fine-looking picture may look like a menacing mug shot to us. Also, a pet peeve for women is a photo where you've got your arm around some other woman who was obviously cut out of the picture. Last, but not least, choose pictures where you can see your face clearly.

4. She may think your email was too forward.

Make sure you are not asking her for a lot of personal information the first time you contact her. You don't want to make her shy away from you even though you are just trying to get to know her. Avoid asking things like her place of work, specifics about where she lives or details about her children. Also, don't suggest meeting in person in the first email.

5. You focus on past breakups in your profile.
When women read your profile, they want to learn about you, not your exes. If you are including too much detail about bad past relationships in your profile, you may end up sounding bitter and jaded, which is a turnoff. As you get to know a woman online over time, then you can get into both of your relationship histories. It's not something for your profile.

6. You aren't her type.
Even though you think your profile and her profile could walk off into a romantic sunset together, she may feel that you are not her type. I know it's hard to do, but gentlemen, try not to take this personally. The process of online dating is sorting through a variety of profiles to find the ones that are best suited to you. If she doesn't think you will be a good fit, then you probably won't be and she's saving you a lot of time and effort.

7. She doesn't get what a catch you are! You want someone who understands all the things you have to offer and is excited to respond to you. Instead of focusing on all the women who aren't contacting you back, pay attention to the thousands of women with profiles online who are just waiting to hear from you!